Life...

I've decided not to make goals for myself, because I know I will just let myself down. This way I can acomplish things without the pressure. When I don't reach my goals, I just end up bingeing more because I'm so upset. This way, there's no disapointments. I still want to be in the 70ies by my friends birthday, but that would mean that I need to lose 20 pounds in two weeks, or at least 15 pounds. I'm screwed. I'd have to not eat all week next week. I just want to be skinny.

I've decided to use some tips that frequently come up on Pro-Ana Blogs and Sites. The first one is the water rule. Drink as much as you can. The more I drink, the fuller I will feel.
The next is the keeping busy rule. It's already wednesday and I still haven't been through a day this week with less then 1000 cals. When I'm busy, I dont think of food, and when I dont think of food... I don't eat.

In the middle of October I was doing so good with this. I even had a couple days were I ate absolutly nothing. My real downfall has been bringing money to school. When I do that, I always buy food from the cafeteria and I always end up eating my full days worth of cals at lunch. Then, since I've already eaten, I eat more at home.

I need to find my way back to convinceing myself I hate food. I was doing so well there and I was just purgeing the few 100 cals I ate in the day, instead of purgeing the few 1000...

Life will be better when I'm skinny.
I'll be happier...
I might even start to love myself again...

Currently I'm at 194.6; hoping maybe tomorrow I'll be at 193.

If I can be in the 80ies by tuesday, I might be able to pull this off...

Anyways,

-Sam;;
PeaceEZ