I Don't Get It...

I didn't think I ate that much...
I mean I ate as much as a normal human being
would eat yet I have gained weight.
I decided that tomorrow before I come home I am
going to go out and buy some milk of magnesia and
use it to flush all the junk out of me.
There must be some problem with how it's "getting
out"...
I NEED to be in the 80ies by the end of the week so
this had better work.

Anyways, I feel emotionally sick because of worship
today. John, my pastuer (idk how to spell it) and
his wife (the shrink) came and talked to me about my
emotional issues. *laugh coldly*

I feel like a complete idiot, I just want to block everyone
out and just curl up somewhere. I told them almost all
of the stuff going on.
Of course the first thing they told me was to "talk to your
parents".
. . .
In so many ways I want to tell them everything, but in
so many more ways I know it's a bad idea.

I can't even think right...

Tomorrow, i need to do something about my friend situation.
Even John told me that I need to figure out a way to
get into an enviroment that is going to keep me happier.

I wish none of this had happened.
Now on top of it I am way fatter then I should be by now.

Why did he have to kill himself? He was the one person that
could keep me loving myself... and now...
I HATE EVERYTHING...

-Sam;;
PeaceEZ