Cabbage Soup Diet

Well I was sick and tired of being stuck in the 90ies..
especially because my mom hosted this party and
I gained like 4 pounds in one weekend.
So at the start of the diet I was 197.0 which was 4
days ago.
Now I'm at 189!!!
FINALLY IN THE 80IES!!
WOOT!!

anyways, that's my good news!!
hopefully by the end of the night I can be 188... but
who knows.
The next few days is where they increase your caloric
intake so I'm going to lose less and less each day.
(there's 3 days left)...
After this diet, im going to do my best to get back on the
right track to looseing more weight.

It's been really annoying being stuck in the 90ies like
this, so hopefully I wont get stuck again till im in like the
60ies. haha.

I want to lose 5 more pounds on this diet, but i dont
know if that's possible in 3 more days.

It's just if i lose that 5 pounds, ill be at 185...
then all i have to lose next week is 5 pounds and I will
be at least at 180 for my friends party.

Then 2 weeks later is my birthday and hopefully ill be
in the 70ies or 60ies and I can buy new clothes to go with
my hair...

btw, im getting extensions!!! woot!!!
haha.

anyways,
that's what's happening...

I WANNA LOSE WEIGHT!!! GAHHHH!!!
=D

-Sam;;
PeaceEZ

Life...

I've decided not to make goals for myself, because I know I will just let myself down. This way I can acomplish things without the pressure. When I don't reach my goals, I just end up bingeing more because I'm so upset. This way, there's no disapointments. I still want to be in the 70ies by my friends birthday, but that would mean that I need to lose 20 pounds in two weeks, or at least 15 pounds. I'm screwed. I'd have to not eat all week next week. I just want to be skinny.

I've decided to use some tips that frequently come up on Pro-Ana Blogs and Sites. The first one is the water rule. Drink as much as you can. The more I drink, the fuller I will feel.
The next is the keeping busy rule. It's already wednesday and I still haven't been through a day this week with less then 1000 cals. When I'm busy, I dont think of food, and when I dont think of food... I don't eat.

In the middle of October I was doing so good with this. I even had a couple days were I ate absolutly nothing. My real downfall has been bringing money to school. When I do that, I always buy food from the cafeteria and I always end up eating my full days worth of cals at lunch. Then, since I've already eaten, I eat more at home.

I need to find my way back to convinceing myself I hate food. I was doing so well there and I was just purgeing the few 100 cals I ate in the day, instead of purgeing the few 1000...

Life will be better when I'm skinny.
I'll be happier...
I might even start to love myself again...

Currently I'm at 194.6; hoping maybe tomorrow I'll be at 193.

If I can be in the 80ies by tuesday, I might be able to pull this off...

Anyways,

-Sam;;
PeaceEZ

FUCK!!!

I checked my weight when I got up this morning
and I was 193...
then I had 2 bottles of Sunny D; 440 cals.
1 cookie; 250
Total Cals: 690

I got home and I was 195.4 (FUCK)

Then I was so depressed about it I ate

2 meat balls; 370
3 peices of bread; 239
whole bowl of ceaser salad; 222
1 cup of milk; 130

Total: 1651 cals today...

I attempted to purge some of it, but I didn't eat it probably
so nothing would come up.
Instead I just chugged a whole much of Milk of Magnesia...
Currently with all the water and food and milk in me, I'm
197!
Why is it so fucking hard for me to get out of the 90ies.
This is unbelievable...
I wish my dad was out tonight so I could work out a bit...
but I can already feel the laxatives working and I'll properly
be running to the bathroom all night...

fuck my life.

Sam;;
-PeaceEZ

Snow!!!

Finally There is Snow On The Ground!!

It's already half way through November and there
was no snow!! I Love Canada.
Anyways, this means that ski season is about to
start. Lake Louise opened last weekend, but only had
one run open; Wiwaxy.
I'm so excited... anyways....

I skipped out on worship today because I was in no
mood to talk to people about my feelings. All I did today
was eat like a pig then go and lie down and cry the weight
away.

Currently, I'm 194.4...
my stomach is growling...
and I still have to have dinner with my parents.

I always gain weight on the weekends because I eat so
much. At least during the week I spend majority of my day
either at school or sleeping so I cant eat then.
I really want to be 189 by friday...
can you believe in my orginal plan I was supposed to be 187
two fridays ago.
I'd be in the 70ies by now...
Well... I'm having trouble getting out of the 90ies but I know
I'm going to be able to do it by the end of the week.

ALTHOUGH...

Friday I'm going to see Twilight with my friends and there's
going to be lots of tempation there. Then after that I have to
go to my mom's candle party... and it's not even a candle party
it's more like a food party...
people eat more money in food then they do on candles.

So either I'm going to stay strong and only order a large diet
in the theater and purge everything at my mom's candle thing.
Or I'm going to fuck up a weeks worth of dieting.

I want to be in the 70ies by Tyler's Birthday. Then in the 60ies
by mine.

15 pounds in 3 weeks...
5 pounds a week...

wish me luck!!

-Sam;;
Peace EZ

Well...

I haven't written in awhile because I went to Nelson
for 6 days.
AND I ate like a pig. I didn't have a scale so I was so
fucking worried I'd be back in the 200's.
I was sitting in the car, going home, and I was prepareing
myself mentally for seeing the scale read "212"...
LUCKILY when I got back tuesday, it was only 198!!!!
I ate more then 2000 cals a day and I lost weight.
The night before I left, i was at 199!

I couldn't believe it.

So currently, I'm at 195.6...
I was only planning on being 196 by today, but obviously
I'm not complaining.

These new people I've been hanging out with... well...
they don't even acknowledge me.
Only one guy and two girls in the group even talk to me.
One other guy is a complete ass to me and makes me feel
like shit all the time.
I don't know what to do anymore... maybe when I'm
skinner people will like me more.
I hope so.
The one girl who introduced me to these guys thinks of me
as this loser and doesn't even talk to me very much
anymore.
It's like she realises I'm not cool enough to chill with them
either.
WoW.
So much for friends.

whatever, i'll be a loner from now on. a fat disgusting loner.

today i ate 4 peices of toast and peanut butter.
aswell i had a peice of chicken, colsolaw (idk how to spell it),
a pita combo at school with veges, pitas, and sauce.

FAT COW!

Sometimes I wish I could curl up and sleep my highschool
years away...

-Sam;;
PeaceEZ

Here I Am...

I've officially had enough of this bullshit...
I shouldn't be back up to 197, but the fucking machine
says I am.
Today I'm supposed to be at 191...

I decided to try this laxative thing, the milk of magnesia...
I poured myself a cap full and drank it (it's disgusting)!
Then I go and read the instructions and it says that I'm
only supposed to have 15mL. [I had 60]

If i don't ever write again, you'll know I shit myself to
death. haha.

Hopefully I'm at 194 by the end of this...
and tomorrow i can be 193...

I'd really like to be 193, but lucks never on my side.
Although all I ate today was a mac and cheese and some
bread.

600 cals...

ugh... I hope this works... I need to be happy again!!!
I'll write back when this is all over
[they said 1/2 to 6 hours]
...

-Sam;;
PeaceEZ

I Don't Get It...

I didn't think I ate that much...
I mean I ate as much as a normal human being
would eat yet I have gained weight.
I decided that tomorrow before I come home I am
going to go out and buy some milk of magnesia and
use it to flush all the junk out of me.
There must be some problem with how it's "getting
out"...
I NEED to be in the 80ies by the end of the week so
this had better work.

Anyways, I feel emotionally sick because of worship
today. John, my pastuer (idk how to spell it) and
his wife (the shrink) came and talked to me about my
emotional issues. *laugh coldly*

I feel like a complete idiot, I just want to block everyone
out and just curl up somewhere. I told them almost all
of the stuff going on.
Of course the first thing they told me was to "talk to your
parents".
. . .
In so many ways I want to tell them everything, but in
so many more ways I know it's a bad idea.

I can't even think right...

Tomorrow, i need to do something about my friend situation.
Even John told me that I need to figure out a way to
get into an enviroment that is going to keep me happier.

I wish none of this had happened.
Now on top of it I am way fatter then I should be by now.

Why did he have to kill himself? He was the one person that
could keep me loving myself... and now...
I HATE EVERYTHING...

-Sam;;
PeaceEZ

HALLOWEEN!!!

So me and some friends went over to this guy's house
after school so smoke like 4 bowls of shisha in his
hookah. At about 7 we went to this party at this other
guy's house and by 8pm it was already a rager.
And at 9:30, the cops were called to break it up.
It was sickk.
We got so crunk it was nuts!
Today I feel like shit though, I hate drinking.
I think im only gunna smoke weed from now on.
Well I was high so I had to eat some pizza and
I put on weight.
I think it's settled back to 195.0 but I already had
700 cals today and I haven't even eaten dinner.
My goal was supposed to be 187 by friday, but I'm
too far behind so as long as I'm in the 80ies, ill be
happy.
That means I better be at least 194 by tomorrow
and I need to be 193 by monday. Then I can lose the
5 pounds but it also means that I have no room to
fuck up.
BUT
I'm going to nelson on friday for 5 days and I always
put on weight when I go there.

I NEED to be in the 60's or 70's by my friends
birthday party on the 6th of december.

We'll see how it goes!

-Sam;;
PeaceEZ